It’s the evening of day 4. I know, how can I screw up the beginning of a website? I’m unprepared for all of this. I didn’t start on a Monday, weigh-in is Wednesdays, we know how this page is going so far, and it all feels….perfect. It is unbelievably refreshing to relinquish control of things.

We’re going on an adventure. Fat is just not working for me anymore so we’re trying something new. We’re gonna have a thigh gap. We’re gonna wear a crop top (appropriately), and damn it, I might just get the mail in my underwear if we’re feeling sassy enough one afternoon.

I will be here most nights clicking away. These are the times I struggle. There’s something both equal parts comforting and sickening about going to bed all stuffed in the tummy however, I have yet to feel so amazing empty that I can ‘see the light’ and stop wanting to gorge myself at 10pm. I clocked in at an aggressive 232 (I’m 5’7”). Today I woke at 225. Water weight I’m sure, but this is the stuff you remind yourself so you can go to bed ‘full’ in your heart.

“I don’t want to be a prisoner to tracking”. Look, I’m already obsessed with food, obviously. If we’re going to think about food all day, let’s think about it! Let’s thrive as the food addicts we are and just change the decisions. Wanna stuff your face? Ok! Eat 10 bananas. NEED that chocolate? Ok! You’re a rabbit until 6 then. I already think about my weight, body, and food every moment of the day. It might be nice to have those thoughts make me feel good instead of being lumps of regret and guilt.

-Peace